Got a plan. Ill do rock paper scissors and if you win we smoke a joint. Throw rock.
was stoked on phone sex until he started reciting lines from star wars
I'm thankful she wil die Alone. And I'm thankful I slept wiht her cousin. And brother.
i have a surprise for you that looks bigger since I found my body hair trimmer
oh and then you called a time out with your penis
We are stranded. Come find us. Bring an egg
It was almost as bad as the time I peed on the floor of the Pentagon's subway station.
Remember when we used to go to the bathroom to do drugs together? Now it's to help you with your spanx.
The homeless guy who goes through my garbage cans just gave me a flyer for an AA group.
I smell like hot dogs and captain morgan it's 11:20 am what is my life
we superglued breast forms to his chest. those aren't coming off anytime soon.
Ok thats it i need a list. Full names, nicknames, in which frats, with a photo, of all the guys youve hooked up with because three of the same guys is ridiculous
In that case, if you come anywhere near my house you can expect to be chased down various streets by a half naked me wielding a baseball bat. No, I am not giving you my address.
Why so serious bruh
First day of school is awesome. I get to meet my students and figure out which of their mothers I’ I’m going to bang
So I just accidentally joined a bar crawl and got a free shotski of Jameson. I love life.
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