what are you wearing?
Just my guilt
so when she was in the shower, I took a pic of my dick with her phone and sent it to her brother saying, this just fucked your sister
i would rather give Shaq a handjob than take this accounting final
I was just walking down the hall and passed a very pregnant girl wearing a shirt that said "blame it on the aaaaaa-alcohol." I can't decide if she's brilliantly witty or just pointing fingers.
all i could think was her face looked like a farm accident
I want to spend time with you, and by time, I mean real time. Not your dick in my mouth time.
She either was great at sex or I finished the whole bottle of svedka my self
I just want uncharted vagina. Fresh and ripe.
when he put a condom on for a handjob cuz he didn't want to "blow his load in the car" i started to question my choice in guys..
You took it upon yourself to rid the world of them, and by that I mean you dressed up as Batman and started kicking them in the shins.
Just called the consul general of France "dude"
Currently studying Econ, while waiting outside current booty call's residence for him to return from the strip club. This is your fault.
Okay Im still jerking off but now with the Reality of Law School Looming In The Distance
Have you ever woken up and said a thank you prayer to the beer gods for allowing you to wake up in the morning and still have the ability to walk and talk? Because we should.
Left him blackout in the cab, gave 20$ to the cabbie and said drive until the meter said he wasn't getting a tip.
Bangkok has him now.
Randomize
