by the end of the night i am guaranteed to have less of a face than Seal....
so if i die before i go back to school its because the thing we found in the hallway that i've been smoking out of is a crack pipe
By round 4 of the Dead End shots, I thought my jaw was dislocated ... Best invention EVER.
I'll be a little late, "getting ready for the party" turned into "smoking a bowl and doing lines in my room for an hour and a half." But I'm on my way now. With coke. And weed.
He called the drink "The Annexation of Puerto Rico". He wouldn't tell us whats in it but said that we should all fear for our lives. Let's do this.
The only good thing about this is that the pharmacy guy will stop trying to add me on Facebook.
Having him as a wingman is like telling the girl you already have aids
This hangover is so bad, we are pregaming Chinese food with pizza.
I woke up smelling like chlorine with a broke toe. They know how to fucking party on lake lanier.
I feel like I got ass raped in the brain.
In sex ed. they really need to include a lesson on saying tampon in foreign languages, just in case.... Trying to ask the woman at the reception desk, who barely speaks English, for one just turned into an awkward game of charades.
Actually going to jail after your wedding is NOT part of the plan.
Like, defending PBR and Bio Dome consumes a lot of my time.
WHY DID YOU DRUNK DIAL MY MOM?!
Because mine was sitting on the bar stool next to me...
just saw those girls we met the other night. i happen to be wearing a bunny suit and driving your smart car. i think its safe to say thats a no go situation.
I’ve basically been controlling him with my tits for months now, so I can’t even imagine what would happen if I start banging him
Randomize
