she claims you yelled BOMBS AWAY when you came. tell me she's lying
but she didn't tell you i squeezed, built up pressure, and napalmed her face as i yelled it, did she
Sometimes, when I'm driving alone I talk to myself in a Russian accent so I think it's my mommy and it calms me down.
i wanted to be an indian when i was a child. apparently you cannot grow up to be an indian.
I was in holding with a guy that got a DUI on a hover round. He was so nice. We're hanging out tonight.
tell that swedish kid i didnt take his shotgun. he GAVE it to me.
there has got to be a maximum amount of semen a person can take in before they get some kind of poisoning.
The other night after we fucked we talked about Lowe's vision insurance. Never fuck a coworker.
My uncrustable is thawing in my straightener
...And then you kept screaming "cock mouth" in her face every time she tried to talk.
I just discovered I can sober up while teaching class
Idk, you were a drunk pirate that kept stealing pieces of people's costumes to keep as your booty.
That would explain all the random shit in my room...
if the furniture in my bedroom wasn't shape shifting... this would be a different story.
after what u told me last night I think we're past the wtf zone and at this point u should just join me in wondering if my barista lover is a gay porn star
no i'm going to the dr today, he fucking banshee-shrieked in my ear as he was coming and now i can't hear out of it
It wasn't intentional or anything but I've now had sex with all of your siblings. How's college going?
Randomize
