I'm at the laundry mat. This guy is here showing me his ankle monitor. The weird ones always find me.
Just spit on a sock to clean a spot on my glass table. Oddest combination of so lazy and motivated ever.
I love reading their "i love you more" , "no i love you more" war on facebook today knowing that he hooked up with me last night. I bet i know who wins that one.
if im not pregnant im gonna be so pissed for spending the money from my weed fund on the test
wow, a mother in the making
you woke me up just to tell me that I was beautiful in every way possible. Then you proceeded to fall asleep with your mouth on my boob.
I will cut you
Oddly enough thats the second time today someones said that to me
Put that in perspective
My pussy is making all kinds of justifications that my mind would have no patience for if it was still in charge
She was throwing my stuff away and then before I knew it she was sucking my dick. It was like some fucked up sour patch kids commercial
His grandpa picked him up. Brought him to the house. And made him clean the puke off the driveway with a broom and a bucket of water.
apparently I stole your wolf lighter. probably bc you made me howl while you puked over your deck railing.
I remember looking at his body and thinking wow you have a body sculpted by Jesus himself. Still not sure if I said that out loud or not
My rule for unemployment is that I can't smoke before noon.
I haven't gotten up before 1 though, so it hasn't really impacted me.
not sure what the chiropractor did but my junk deserves a cape now.
Sorry about my sloppy drunk texts. I'm not sure talking about banging a near dead Jimmy Stewart was my finest moment
she passed out standing next to the car. her head hit the door so hard the alarm went off. she instantly snapped out of it and started sprinting away
Randomize
