It's like I'm the Little Bo Peep of sheparding dicks.
Only someone with your twisted mind could come up with that simile. Do you sit around and read 'How to turn Beloved Childrens Stories into Sexual Analogies?' This is the 3rd time you've done this.
his penis looked like arnold from hey arnold. it was interesting.
Just woke up on a couch in the FIJI house with 2 missed calls from someone I saved in my phone as "Some DU Kid Named TJ Maybe"
you make me proud to be your friend
she's not even a shacker, she never made it inside. she's just a porch girl
You drew a lightning bolt on your eye and stomach in eye liner and made me sing Poker face with you in harmonies. I never knew you were still a music major when you were drunk.
Wydf in so deruk i just dowwned a packet if salt waitibg for food at del taco
well the first picture of me in 2011 involves a viking helmet and chugging champagne. i like this year already.
Last I remember we played rock paper scissors for who would fuck the guy with cowboy boots on and I won..
I opened my eyes this morning, looked at the sunlight and made this hangover my bitch.
I have a diplomatic trade for you. My pants for your rum. Tomorrow?
Woke up pants less in the vacant apartment across the hall. It was unlocked because they were showing it to someone. When they walked in I woke up and said "this is a great place to live" and walked out
the worst fight me and my gf ever had was over Guy fieri
He lured me round with the prospect of sex and then made me proofread his CV and spoon. I fucking hate this guy.
You've got the chocolate, drugs and my pants. You hold all the cards...
This is very awkward but where is my dildo, Mom
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