So we walked by this chick's house and she starts yelling at her boyfriend "STOP HITTING ME WITH YOUR DICK"
I got fingered by sexual harassment panda last night, by a van, I can't remember if he took off his furry panda hands...
I made him ride the giant pony statue in my friends little sisters room before i let him get in the bed.
Also I fell in love w a girl dressed as a pirate that was great at doing the limbo
i decided this morning while eating my breakfast of red bull and cold pizza that i should take a vow of celibacy
You shouldn't do laundry high cus pink.
On her way to bed she said, "If you have sex on the couch, just move my blanket" Needles to say, we moved the blanket
he sneezed into my face mid-kiss
Bless his heart
But seriously I might need help getting spray paint off of my body.... But don't worry about the penis I scrubbed him already
Im quite confident that my struggle with sobriety ended last night sometime after dinner
Woke up next to a half eaten Philly Cheesesteak. Honestly probably one of the top 3 things I've ever woken up next to.
lol hangovers are for mortals.
Well I didn't spend $7 on an Uber just to get limp dick
He was the perfect gentleman on our first date. Took me out for candlelit dinner at a fancy restaurant, held open the door, walked me home, and made me cum three times before he got his.
This is a hangover from hell. Delivered by the devil himself.
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