I've been watching anime, masturbating and eating nutella for three days. I hope she never comes back.
Apparently my gaydar only works on americans. Frenchie capris has two topless chicks in our kitchen making him breakfast.
Just dont tell him. Tell him you colored your vagina for breast cancer awareness month. He will understand.
First Thanksgiving as a grown up: My step dad had to take my brother (who still smells like booze) and I both to our cars this morning, apparently we were at the same bars (same stamps), & I think I broke my elbow. Im thankful to be alive & not incarcerated.
Just had a flashback of dry humping a man lying in the street while Jim (dressed as santa) screams 'HAVE YOU BEEN A GOOD BOY?!'
Before we rave about the healing powers of your penis, remember it nearly killed me as well.
I'm glad that even though we are states apart our whorish hearts beat as one
Fastest way to get judgmental looks on a Sunday morning: wear sunglasses inside carrying a case of beer and thin mints at the grocery store. May or may not have ran into the glass door.
Gotta love Minnesota
There's scrapes on the inside of both my thighs.. Because we wanted to get drunk and climb trees naked.
I was trying to fart in my sleep in the hopes that he would leave
Had to walk of shame past Westminster Abbey this morning. Pretty sure a Japanese tourist took a photo of me.
Saw my drug dealer at Easter mass with his family so that was weird
- I'm finally learning to be functional when I'm high. I feel like this is a milestone.
I balled in the shower for 20 minutes, rolled up to the meeting late looking like a gremlin, and my one night stand was standing there in a suit
Nothing is more confusing than dreaming about being chased by jets, then waking up with an erection.
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