There need to be more gay people on my afternoon soaps.
She wants an explanation of my cousins creepy foot fetish with my god sister. i don't know how I can sum this up in a text.
Ice cream: Good. Fraternity: Good. Eating ice cream off a Skid Row bum's ass crack in order to get into a Fraternity: Homoerotic at best. I quit.
Why do I love Florida? Because I just quit my job because it's too pretty a day to go to work and I'm going to the beach to eat seafood and drink beer.
I pretended I didn't remember seeing him hookup with that freshman, and he pretended he didn't remember seeing me hookup with that old guy. We have a beautiful and unawkward friendship.
Duuuuuuuude, I need you to sleep with my girlfriend so I can tell you both to move out
It was like the devil him self busted his red hot satanic nuts all over my face and burned my eyes out of my innocent sockets.
just chugging fertility tea and vodka, no big deal.
Would you go as one half of Harry and Lloyd in Tuxes to Aaron's wedding?
I have an important idea to tell you when I'm sober about a cat scratching my nose once and what it taught me. DONT LET ME FORGET.
He's ready to settle down, whereas I'm like "More shots please"
why the hell did we go to a rave last night?
we didn't?
definitely went to a bar with strobe lights
JENNIFER. You passed out in a toilet with a color changing light in it.
We will discuss everything tomorrow i presume. Including the sweaty naked tango.
just woke up and had to check if i still had pants on, i really need to stop drinking
there must be tiny pirates in the freezer stealing our rum.
Randomize
