that's the type of pussy you go to the bathroom and wack off before you fuck her, just to last longer inside of her!
i was high and broke so i stole a roast chicken and a 40 inch sheet cake from wegmans and ate in a bathroom stall.
we were frolicking through a fountain of pizza rolls. it was like the best dream i ever had
he was actually really polite. he asked before he came on my chest because he "wasn't sure my stance on it".
The interviewer had a hook for his right hand I TRIED TO SHAKE HIS HOOK WHAT IS WRONG WITH ME
isn't that the guy who always buys you drinks?
yeah. i love a man who still buys me drinks after the bar cuts me off.
next time on intervention
She had one unshaved part on her vagina that she called "the soul patch" I just didn't know what to think
I told the DJ last night to play Third Eye Blind before 1:45 and just pointed at him as I walked away. He didn't do it and at 1:45 I just walked out pointing at him, without my friends
Can you bring me a corn dog or something shaped like one?
I'm wearing a cape at the laundromat. I really can't say shit
Nothing says summer like lemonaid, but nothing says fuck yeah summer like lemonaid and vodkavodka
I feel like I'm going to shit out a Big Mac
Kid walks in and orders 24 Mcdoubles and 14 large fries, as he's handing me the money he tells me he lost at rock paper scissors so he had to do the munchie run.
dude im trying to eat his ass so can you stop for 10 minutes
Our son just found our secret Sex Dungeon that is no longer hidden in our basement. He brought his Xbox and the TV down there he is currently sitting in the sex swing playing video games. What do I do?
Randomize
