areee we human. . .oorrr areee we dancerssssss?!
you srsly need to quit going to that bar
I miss being able to drink at 11am just cause it was sunny outside.
I got a handjob to the OC theme song. It was like going back in time 7 years.
I can hear her blowing you man. All I hear is her saying 'yeah' over and over again.
I know it was you because you're the only person I know who gets drunk and craves soup.
Soup is delicious
But I was triple fisting doubles, that's bound to be a good time. Might have a broken collarbone though.
I tried to bribe him with road head and his toothbrush.
he signed me a blank check so today i get to decide if i want to be a saint or a millionaire
Everyone heard you scream that I was to be naked, in your bed in 5 minutes. We were one hell of a shitshow spectacle
As a 47 yo who just boned a 22 yo, it was definitely a walk of pride. She is a major feather in my aging cap.
My CPA just snapchatted me a picture of her playing beer pong at a picnic. Time to do my own taxes?
I say "glasses of whiskey" like I didn't chug it out of the bottle
Are you planning on wandering into construction sites drunk and falling down 6' holes?
probably
You want to know how I feel? I feel like Cady Heron pushed me in front of a bus last night.
Well, I have no idea where my underwear is, so yea I would say it was a good weekend.
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