I'd rather drink alone in my closet than hang out with that girl
So she puts out... but it wasn't worth it
It smells like weed.
We are in Boulder, Everything smells like weed.
I ate one of your animal crackers. just one. ok four. but no frosting. ok frosting.
My boss just gave me full permission to come into work wasted this weekend.
In hindsight, trust falling your grandma was a bad idea. Sorry about that.
We found her in the fireplace eating dog biscuits.
Well its kinda hard to gift wrap an orgasm
Dick in a box?
ugh... thank God for ATM withdrawal limits. I was drunk enough to give that weird shaped stripper all of my money while making her cry in the back room.
There is absolutely a 0% chance my hips will make it out of this twerking business fully functional
Your vagina is like Nancy Drew lately.
Why did the sexual harassment class show a clip from frozen?
I got arrested FOR running from the cops. In college Dad got arrested and THEN ran from the cops. So it could be worse.
Aww you are cute. With your penis. And failures.
You’re going to be a doctor, and I’m going to be a trophy wife. We both have goals
Randomize
