If God had a period, it would result in diet faygo redpop
See it, we're so close, i smell your vagisil
Well i then put my mattress in my closet and am currently on it. This is a new one.
They're like penises that have been put in a blender.
i feel like words won't express my appreciation properly so at some point i'm just going to bring you pizza then go down on you for an hour. fair?
I cant tell which is worse. That its only my third time doing laundry this year or that its the first time ive done it sober.
My Valentine's Day plans just drastically changed... My F buddy just ran into my gf...in my driveway.
HOW DID YOU GET DEPORTED FROM THE BAHAMAS
At one point last night I over heard you say " I'm gonna puke in a bag and pour it down your throat" I LOVE YOU.
I punched some guy in the face for being an asshole then later I went to say sorry and give him a hug and he started making out with me. How was your new years?
Perhaps if I didn't mortify my parents last night with my drunken obnoxious behavior which resulted in the casualty of an entire decorative bathroom shelf which I completely ripped off the wall and left for dead, I would be more than willing to go day drinking.
Well, she yelled at the stripper that she couldn't lick whipped cream off his nipples because she is lactose intolerant.
I pour the whiskey from now on
Never underestimate the power of titties
It doesn't matter if it's only been 3 days since you last changed your sheets. If your fuck buddy comments on how your bed smells like sex, it's time to change them again.
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