Every good night starts with white castle burgers and shots in the parking lot.
we had sex three times last night.. but now im just wet from him crying on my stomach about how much he misses his ex.. awesome
I've replaced the bottom of the food pyramid with alcohol.
I was so high i started crying when i saw how much puppychow was there.
he stopped talking to me after i tried to use his body as a surf board
Oh my fucking god you idiot bitch just get here forget about the vodka the fucking cops are looking for you
He told me that before I went to bed I needed to do my stretches and then processed to demonstrate a squat thrust, while completely naked.
Would I waste your time for mediocre porn?
I draw, I play three woodwind instruments, I press buttons for eight hours at work and Im studying to be a gynecologist... I guarantee I can make you squirt, babe.
Part of me really wants this picture, but the other part of me knows if he is really this drunk, he could be sodomizing a lamp and not know it
you ran up to the police and said "fuck the police shit we living in hell ". Then you dropped your Margarita and said "Darby Out" lol
LOOK, I was 19, and I made a lot of choices with my crotch which I'm weirdly proud of
Yes dear.
I'll just say I told you so at your funeral
It's still fucked up that my mom let me think Vanilla Ice was my dad for YEARS just because she thought it was funny.
So...I was fapping and during it, I got an Amber Alert notification...that's just bad timing.
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