so I was just driving high and I stopped to let a pinecone cross the road because I thought it was a hedgehog.
So I have $4.22 in my bank account, just wrote a check for a tooth brush from quikmart, and bought a 25 cent condom from the bathroom. i don't know whats more sad, my bank account or the fact that i'm entrusting my entire future to a condom machine that was probably last filled in 1970
If i could bang her from 80ft away, I would
do you think there was ever a doctor who smelled his finger after giving a prostate exam?
If it was for sex do you really think i would asking for a mass vote? I'm like fidel castro when it comes to sex. No public approval needed.
afterwards we were spooning and he said he wished he was a kangaroo so he cold put me in his pouch and keep me forever. I left as soon as he was asleep.
she broke up with me using backstreet boy lyrics
you deserved it if you knew it was backstreet boys.
They gave me a glowstick necklace to wear so they could locate me if I wandered off into the woods
I just melted my phone trying to make cookies. I think that's a sign.
I knew it would be a shit show so I just went ahead and took plan b before I even got there. How's that for responsible?
because. if I can't sit outside naked and eat my watermelon every morning then I really don't see the point in moving in with you.
It was like we had a conversation with our eyes.
Was it a good conversation?
It was an awkward, sexual conversation.
I woke up with a meat pie in my hand and my mouth tasting like an ashtray. I'm a catch, really!
Ugh I feel like I just got hit by a big giant sex bus.
I can't dude. Last time I was there, I blew the bartender in the bathroom at last call.
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