remember them days when you seriously wanted your mom to marry rev run and we would always talk shit about justine?
joeyyyy why you always taken cheeseburgers from me?!?!?!
i'm naked playing bejeweled blitz in your bed. this is both a forewarning and an apology
Just walked in and was handcuffed to a police woman. Fire fighter woman poured franzia down my throat. Aaaaand I just ate cookies off of Little Red Riding Hood's tits.
Petting the cat and listening to "you've got a friend". This is why I smoke weed. To make sense of situations like this.
Only you would think wine and coffee was an acceptable finals study time mix
Had to. She was getting married in 2 days & her vag was having a close out sale. You know I love a good bargain.
STD scares really help you understand the whole six degrees of separation thing...
So I was trying to finish off that sick uv whipped and I chased it with yogurt. Not a good idea
Did you know that if you chase vodka with cheap red wine it tastes exactly like college alcoholism?
Mmm. Champagne. Weed. 17 pounds of animal crackers.
Actually, I may scrap this entire plan. I just realized that I had sex with a guy with his own whiskey commercial.
Considering all of my stomach contents ended up in my center console, I'm a bit peckish.
It's your last night of vacation right? Be the Oprah of dick. And you get a dick... and you get a dick, and you get a dick!!!
No. No. Fuck you! You can do your own grocery shopping.
I’m calling dibs!
You can’t call dibs on dick. That’s free range dick. May the best vagina win!
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