I think someone spiked my drink last night. .. Like all 20 of them.
You have problems? I'm 20 years old and i'm balding
He went soft
Wait. During?
Yeah, he was IN. MY. MOUTH.
It finally happened. My conscience stopped working. I've never felt so free
He was ugly. Like horse ugly. But he was built for power, not for speed.
You told me you loved me after I brushed your teeth with my index finger.
My roommates just built a mini golf course upstairs while I was sleeping.
Using the only finger i can move, i calculated body mass, intake and time. It's mathematically impossible for me to still have this hangover at 9pm. I passed out at 8pm last night. Fuck vodka.
I left your tip in your mailbox. Last night was amazing.
She complimented my boobs and then told me I smelled like teddy bears before falling asleep on the floor.
Yesterday you said I was the best.
No. I said you DID your best. There's a huge difference.
I was gonna turn him down, but he correctly identified a song from Pocahontas.
I wish drunk me came with subtitles
I threw up in the middle of a bar last night and still managed to get laid! Happy thanksgiving!
You know the story of the boner party, right? They got stuck in the mountains and ate each other?
It was the Donner party... boner party was the porn version...
Randomize
