we tried have sex after i gave him a handjob. he wouldnt get hard and kept saying his little boy is broken.. please come get me
Those motion detector trash cans don't work fast enough to catch puke.
I have been sober for so long that I miss hangovers... what is happening to this summer?
Also I climbed atop a mailbox with a toilet paper hat and a wolverine claw made of glowsticks, screaming at passers-by that they were going to die. Control me
We should tie ourselves together anytime there is any type of alcohol involved. It's the safest way. I either end up with freshmen or weird ex bfs. You end up with a large cowboy. This is not good for us
FYI I just found your friend. Asleep. In. My. Kayak. In. Pool.
Woah there. I lasted a semester and a fourth of college not having sex. trust me when i say keeping my virginity was an obstacle course of olympic proportions.
The virgin olympics. I would win the gold. For America.
WHAT THE FUCK KIND OF NINTENDO FILLED GLORIOUS ENCHANTING FANTASY LAND ARE YOU IN?! DUDE DID YOU MOVE TO THE 90S?!?!?!
Literally just saw a 7 year old intently rub his penis on the metro. I'm not ready for this
He told me he wished he could shrink down to a small size so he could live inside my cleavage
He pulled out a red and green condom and then started humming "Here Comes Santa Claus." Happy holidays indeed.
Sorry I wasn't opportunistic about sucking your dick in an Uber last night
I had a dream involving the worlds smallest pony, an asphalt volcano, and jimi hendrix. Never smoking 3 bowls before bed again
DID YOU OR DID YOU NOT, PEE IN MY FUCKING TRASHCAN?!
I have had flashes of 69ing, a strawberry flavored condom and begging him to sleep naked.
Randomize
