Remember that night when i almost got you arrested? Is that funny yet?
Girl just texted me a pic of her boobs with the caption "don't think I'm a whore"
I dunno... But she calls vodka "dancing juice"
After arriving 30 minutes late, he slowly walked to his desk and halfway there he just falls over like a tree and passes out. I now have some sort of proof as to how awesome that night was.
Your dress got me laid by one of Obama's Secret Service members. Patriotic duty, check.
Everybodys gonna want to make out w me dressed as big bird
Big bird is like some childhood daddy fantasy come true for carnival
I just don't remember. It's like I went to bed on July 3rd.. and woke up on the 5th. Nothing.
So... In conclusion, do I bring my vibrator and risk not only having it getting taken out at security, but also exposing my dad to my neon green vibrator, or just leave it here?
The nice lady at the neighborhood liquor store informs me that we have a new woman-run neighborhood sex shop. Jesus loves me and wants me to have a happy Valentine's day.
I WAS SURROUNDED BY HAIRY BALLS ALL ALONE.
I have never in my life been turned down for sex until this weekend.
Welcome to my everyday.
Anyone who can sit 4 hours in a doobie circle with their feet in a kiddie pool is ok by me
Oh fuck, I'm officially a cougar..he's got the same name as my grandson
I’m honestly just flattered that you think I could make PornHub’s Top 10.
Slowly dying because of my period and my phone is mocking me because I have 69% battery
Randomize
