We better get laid next semester cause I prayed hard
I even walked 30 feet with my eyes closed from two love rocks so that we get some cock
So... My dad just saw the Plan B package and the beer cans in my backseat.
Oh its cool I'm sure he already knows you're a whore and an alcoholic.
Just made a pepperoni sandwich with cheese, mayo, and pickles. Poverty is like pot, without the happy feeling.
I miss waking up, opening the closet downstairs, and finding you inside passed out.
the easter KEGG...out of a drunken typo there arose a new and spectacular holiday tradition
The dingo escaped by eating a hole through my screen door. It's loose in the city somewhere.
It looks like the misc $300 credit card fraud might have been our taxi cab driver who wouldn't take boobs as payment. No wonder...
What is the current exchange rate for ramen to jello shots?
Forgot to tell you--the bartender at Crowbar set his arm on fire last night. He was doing this "Cocktail" bartender trick of pouring alcohol that was on fire between glasses. Then some leaked out, onto his arm, and set his arm on fire, then his shirt. Exciting! (And he's ok).
I'm so fucking horny right now If I blink I might cum
Want to do me the honour of waxing my legs again before I go to Mexico? I feel like it's a tradition we shouldn't break.
Idk man, we spent like 20 mins arguing about the moral ambiguity of fucking in someone else's car
i just hope we're both dead or in prison at the same time
What shade of lipstick clearly states, I'm only attending this wedding for the drugs and groomsmen?
i got drunk and started dancing with the plant because you were out of town
Randomize
