you dont need to remember merediths name haha. only jane
No, you can still breathe under the balls.
and you tried to get a free burrito from Potbelly's
Girls only wine night turned into a sloppy drunk lesbian orgy again
I'm heating up a hotdog using a candle.
i just did the math...im a product of my mothers birthday sex
Just so we're clear, that's a yes to the honey, but if you get marshmallow fluff anywhere near my body we are never doing this again
I five year old is judging me because I just opened a bottle of Sam Adams with my teeth before 8am
I have a busted ear drum from when he honked his horn when we started to have sex on his car in the parking lot...
I feel a bullet train of disappointment headed in your direction.
It's like shitshowville, population: those girls.
I met a bunch of Germans and said in german "this is for the fatherland" and poured a beer on my head
Is it weird that I only look up my ex on Twitter when I take a shit? May have conditioned myself to associate him with shit
I just put on my bra while peeing. I fear this will be my big achievement of the day.
Look, if it comes down to it, I’m spraying whipped cream on your nuts
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