god. i hate danny gokey.
Hes like the kid in school that reminds the teacher they forgot to assign homeowrk.
he's mormon right? lame.
When I came home you were watching infomercials, eating croutons out of the box and salsa from a funnel. Well done.
Fact: The drinking you do in college doesn't affect your liver in real life.
I woke up and peed for 26 seconds this morning. 26 seconds!
The answer to your question is yes. I am wearing a star of david to the bar in order attract a jewish man.
The iPad is going to make my porn collection SO much more glossier... thanks steve jobs.
The "puke-towel" started to grow something...
He keeps asking me for girl advice, i told him im an expert at getting drunk, not girls
But don't worry I didn't actually get stitches, although according to the health center I probably should have
It was like the devil him self busted his red hot satanic nuts all over my face and burned my eyes out of my innocent sockets.
Next time she asks for a ride to her "cousins" house and it turns out to be a booty call we're charging her for each mile.
This chick had a microhand. Fucking, like, jerking off a baby carrot would make it look like corn.
Wow it must be so difficult to be as popular as you are and smoke as much weed as you do
When I type "sleep" my phone suggests "with Trevor". My phones an asshole.
You know what would have been funny if we got arrested last night? The inventory search of the lock box:\n\nContents:\n1 work ID\n1 33 round Glock magazine\n1 set of keys\n1 vibrator\n2 bags fruit snacks\n1 parking hang tag
Randomize
