I'm looking for sex. Do you know her?
We just had the worst moment of our late twenties.... We just realized we are too old for the real world
He walked in AS I was cumming. Now even my father knows I'm a squirter.
So i guess i slapped the girl sitting next to me leg and said "You know what they say, got fat legs...you gotta fat BOX"
he kept doing his monologue, "if a vagina could talk."
some people offered us free beer as long as we shotgunned it and after you shotgunned four without pausing they took their offer back
You look me right in the eyes and yelled "By the power of the superglue beer sword, I designate you my driver!" I almost felt honored.
That was nice of you. Thank you for respecting the fact that I got cockblocked by a sophomore last night.
i took four shots of tequila, threw my fist up in the air, then went around the party showing everyone how to do the ninja turtle handshake. that's the last thing I remember
I need you to ship me a penis cookie care package.
your were asleep with people making out on top of you. you didn't even look bothered by it.
You coming to give me head and eat tacos?
If you’re wondering why the bong is outside the garage door just know I was being environmentally efficient by not using the freezer to chill my shit
right after that u started calling me g-force and started trying to bellyslide down his drive way
I want to get drunk and watch somebody else's tragedy.
Randomize