Went home with a 29 year old from the bar. Life lesson: 9 year olds stay up late sometimes
i lost my phone in the process of getting a condom out of my hair
Retelling stories from our semester makes me realize we need to get tested for herpes.
Well for starters the people who just made my burger at the grab and go just told me to "hang in there"
You had a hot dog outside the bar then made me stop at McDonald's for a double quarter pounder. I'd say you've more than filled your drunken meat quota.
Thats like me asking what you think of antisocial polish guys with mysterious rashes
I woke up in Brittany's thong, Tony's shirt, and an oven mitt
He's short and fat and honestly I think he's what my self esteem was made for
Gonna play a drinking game called drink til I feel my emotions. The things I do so I can be a therapist
You walked up to me, grabbed my face and said "I just peed in the sink!"
Its like drunk me is Oprah except instead of a car everyone's award is seeing my boobs
I think I sold my soul to a dominatrix last night.
I can't trust your balls anymore.
I don't want to date him...I just want him to cheat on his girlfriend with me.
I would let him fuck me right here in this laundromat. Praise Satan.
Randomize
