chasing shots of tequilla with sun chips. its doable but not recommended
So how was awkward coffee with forgets-your-name?
she has double-d's AND she knows what level Pidgeot evolves. don't tell me she's not a keeper
i lost my airplane ticket and tried to board with a bar receipt in all the confusion. i have officially lost all brain cells in college.
I can't believe all the places I got into shoeless last night. Apparently no one will say no to a girl covered in paint with a ripped shirt
My pussy is making all kinds of justifications that my mind would have no patience for if it was still in charge
When we were fucking he said and I quote "we're like a sex fajita"
You told the cop FUCK YOU AND YOUR TASER, i dont think he appricaited that
One good thing about being really drunk when you go out to dinner is that the leftovers are a surprise. These quesadillas had shrimp in them! Who knew?
We took your mom out drinking and we wound up winning 18 games of Flip Cup. You have amazing genetics.
I gave her two orgasms and then we laid there and she ate jelly beans out of my belly button...that girls a keeper
I blacked out. Broke into their house. Took a shit, and left. This is why you can't leave me unattended.
there is a naked boy in my bed & you just need to kick him out because i do NOT want to see him when i'm sober.
Lobby closes at 2 AM on Thursday, but everyone walking still wants food... I could run a "Taco Bell Taxi" when I clock off at 2 and charge a dollar to give drunks a ride through drive thru.
Someones thought of a way to afford tuition.
She dropped the call after she told me she doesn't want to hear about how loud he can scream.
Randomize
