you said your puke was red because you were proud to be an american.
your ability to fuck hot guys even when you go out in sweats amazes me
Hes the only one i know who can talk to a girl for an entire hour abuot the science in starwars and still get laid.
I hope he didn't notice that my shirt was inside out when I told him I didn't have sex with the guy. Kind of a dead giveaway.
She told me she's going to buy a projector so she can watch porn on her ceiling...I'm telling you man this chick is going places
I think I reached optimum potential when I summersaulted straight into a kiddie pool.
No, earlier you attempted Jenga with everyones shoes.
i figure now that we're number one party school im obligated to black out at least 4 days a week. andddd go.
Also while I am being the bigger person I plan on bringing over something strong smelling and/or alcoholic to torture the poor hungover bastard
In other news I have discovered that grindr is the easiest way to get free meals
Just made a diving catch to save a handle of Fireball falling out of the car. ESPN worthy.
Had a dream I went to Disney to visit you and then I got really drunk and puked all over these little kids in line
Do it!! We better have a duck by the time I get home.
I can't get past the whole vibrator up the ass stunt.. Can we have a ceremonial burning for his dignity because I will not ever touch that again..
You look wasted in ALL of the pictures I just saw you in.
That can't be good for your liver!
Thanks for caring mom.
I just shaved my legs via the sink as to not wake my parents up because I know I'll be having marathon sex tomorrow after my certification exam... so this is life after college.
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