i was watching some porn this morning and i realized i am blessed with a truly beautiful vagina
I just bought a CD. I feel like a traitor to my generation.
ya i found him eventually. hes the only one who drinks guiness so I just had to follow the darkest green puke trail
Oh so it was one of those "I shouldn't have gotten in a cab with a random 21 year old girl" kinda nights.
woke up this morning in the hall outside of my parents room with a sign taped to myself that said "im sorry"...
she's using motion activated glade air fresheners as some sort of early warning system
ALERT: Turns out when I'm drunk I turn into a clepto. I just found keys, a ketchup bottle, and sweatshirt in my backpack that don't belong to me. If yours, come collect from me. I'm still drunk in the back of biology lecture.
I keep confusing the name of her and her dog. Both are appropriate.
No really tho I'm wearing a chucky cheese shirt and yoga pants. If that doesn't scream no sex idk what does
His mom already thought we were lesbians BODY SHOTS WERE JUST NOT AN OPTION SORRY
It makes me really sad that some people start their saturdays running or biking instead of with 3 shots of tequila, a sausage biscuit, freaks & geeks and 2 orgasms.
but I'm still not sure how you became more and more fluent in Spanish the drunker you got
Would love to dress up in respectable attire and take you out somewhere nice and then do disgusting crude things in public
That song just makes me wanna take off my top and shake my titties all around the club.
Just discovered I was so fucked up last night I called in sick to work... TWICE
Randomize
