Tip #47, don't trim the bush when you have the shakes!
I should just throw a hundred dollar bill into the wind and walk away... save myself the hangover.
Ughh on my way to the bathroom now... literally just puked on myself and cleaned it off with a hot dog bun... I love tailgate
i was the DD for the swedish students tonight. Got paid 23 dollars for driving 10 miles. gotta love ignorance and the confusion conversion brings.
the last thing i remember is ordering pitchers of white russians....
Dude I think my special talent is falling in drunkenly falling in front of a cop and getting away. This is the second time.
I found a fried uncrustable on the table from last night.
He tried to fight me not realizing that I work as a bouncer in the the same bar we were in. His night ended with him in handcuffs, missing teeth, PLUS I got his shots that he ordered since he didn't get to drink them.
Tried to put an eye patch on while hooking up with a girl. She was not amused.
Yes. I'm realizing that sports games are good reasons to drink. I just cheer when everyone else cheers.
idk i was trying to watch Fuller House and you got up out of a dead sleep, just in your boxers, said "no more Dave Coulier" and walked out to the living room and unplugged the router
You informed me your place was now a nudist colony and unless I was there to drink schnapps with the cat I had to strip.
Giiirrrllll. Back to back snaps of dicks. Two different guys sent me their dick at the same time. This is totally what our founding fathers meant with life, liberty, and the pursuit of happiness.
He bought me pizza and bourbon and played scrabble with me. So naturally I slept with him.
I'm sitting in the car vaping at an elementary school to try and deal with the stress of existing. About how i thought being 30 would go for me tbh
Randomize
