No I remember falling down the stairs I just don't remember it hurting.
I have reached the state of intoxication where it is now a requirement to sit while peeing.
I really wanted to suck your dick, but I also didn't want to miss any of the movie
Send me one of your boob pics as an example. I mean this in the straightest least lesbian way possible.
Handcuffed our DD to a naked stripper don't think he will try to sneak out
He can pick locks you know
That's the reason for the naked stripper
I went eBay shopping last night. Turns out I brought a Viking drinking horn. I can't even be mad.
I actually just took 17 pictures of some guy at the gas station that needs to marry me now
Well get back to your date and give him the ceremonial 1am handy and text me when your done.
Well.. If you trust a test that only costs a dollar, I'm not pregnant
You would think a husband, a boyfriend, and a vibrator would be enough. But sadly it's not
YOU DONT EAT A GIRL OUT AND THEN GO PUKE ASSHOLE
This is like the first time all week I've properly taken my birth control. My ovaries are so stoked I just know it.
I can't remember what I did last night, but judging from the state of my hair I had a pretty good time.
Not to be gross and awkward, but I just had sex outside in the rain on the hood of a lexus
You might see me up a tree with a deranged look in my eye , just walk away at that point
Randomize
