You're gonna have to start calling my house phone from now on
How come?
Cuz 'Dad' looked pretty similar to the word Dane when i sent that picture message
homeboy just tried to sext with me at 8:30 in the morning while I was on a job interview...
so you did it...
obv...but still...it was inconsiderate.
aparently i pased my english final. I don't even remember taking it.
So I have some interesting news. The pizza guy called the cops on me...
and hes going back to rehab like me, so we have common interests
I can't decide if the sex was so good I couldn't move, or if it was me being loaded on all the morphine that they shot me up with at the ER.
Making a mobile stripper pole for the back of my truck memorial weekend. Is where dignity goes to die
I don't know bro. If a girl makes you cum hard enough that you pull a back muscle, she might be the perfect one to call for a massage on said muscle.
who sends a dick pic at 3 am on a sunday honestly
seriously. and now it'll take him hours to clean up the glitter
Do I need to call and sing lullabies? Because that's creepy, but I'm a really good friend.
earned some solid air miles from the plan B I just bought. #silverlinings
I just realized how terrible that was... I was drumming on your penis to a song about Baby Jesus.
Like I blink, and he's face first in my vagina.
Went to bed in my room fully clothed, woke up naked in the kitchen with the dog looking unamused.
It was only a blow job in his car. It's the same as giving a friend a back rub.
Randomize
