I've come to the conclusion that if I was an old man, I would perve around in short gym shorts for kicks.
My dog fell asleep in his puke last night. He's only 5 weeks old and has more in common with my friends than I do.
once he started yelling at me in latin, i wasn't sure what we were fighting about anymore...
i bought a pregnancy test with dimes. Is that trashy?
she has double-d's AND she knows what level Pidgeot evolves. don't tell me she's not a keeper
i just walked in on him masterbating..to a picture of me. that definitely has to be true love.
I'm drunk at the doctor. It's not that fun. Overrated in fact.
She had a baby and now works at Hooters. She is the poster child for peaking in high school.
You act like pregaming preseason hockey is a crime. Come on man, get fucked up and watch pucks. It rhymes so well it has to go together. DOS EQUIS Y DEVILS!
When I eventually hook up with a resident lets refer to it as taking a hands on approach to my job
I've come to the conclusion while folding laundry and watching porn that I may be dead inside.
Quick question: is it impolite to pause sex to put on my knee brace?
I need drugs. Hard drugs. Today. Not tomorrow. Today. Something relaxing.
Woke up this morning with an extra $35 and someone else's ATM receipt. How much did I drink last night?
After sex he just told me I'm definitely pregnant and it's a girl. Should I run?
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