It feels like I've shaved away my winter coat and my vagina is going to freeze if I go outside.
I'll tell these girls I'm like the pet adoption center...don't play with it if you're not taking it home.
I was so drunk, I was kissing everyone. Their sexual preference was none of my concern.
You know your in for a great weekend when you buy the booze already in crutches
You crawled through a doggy door 5 times for a shot if cheap vodka.
So I think before Superbowl weekend begins we should all take a look back on last year and learn from our pitfalls... AKA no touchdown shots and kitchen crying.
I vaguely remember making out with his tattoo (?) and giving him an awesome massage and then I passed out on his floor. Shrug
He held the kayak still so I wouldn't tip over while projectile vomiting. If that ain't true love, I don't know what is...
I had an epiphany. If a dude dressed up as Batman to ask me out, I'd prolly marry him.
Maybe the problem is guy has to ask his wife if he can go out to lunch with his girlfriend for an hour...
We thought it was a good idea to send a picture to our HS science teacher where she's smoking a joint and I'm holding a monkey, and he invited us to lunch. NEW LEVEL UNLOCKED.
I can't. I'm not drunk enough for this information.
She found the planted magnum condom..once she figured it out it was too late.
I stopped hooking up with him and ran to the bathroom to throw up. He saw me throwing up and it made him throw up
I've now fucked in every motel room in this small town.
youll appreciate my drinking habit one day...
Randomize
