Today I made a list of everyone I have had sex with...there is more than double my age...
I just realized I'm gonna get paid at midnight on New Years Eve. That could be dangerous.
4 feet of snow. teaching the cats how to snow swim. throwing them off the porch and seeing what happens.
She pointed at me and told her friend, I'm going to fuck him, its going to be really loud, so yes, i need the whole basement.
Ah, I knew it wouldn't be long before my boobs were introduced into the conversation.
No kidding. I just keep looking at that 'under 21 until 11/21/2011' on my id and whispering "soon enough"
we aren't going to have kids. there's a 50% chance that they would look like him. not worth the risk
in line at jewel. the cashier is puking in a garbage can while ringing up customers. glad to know im not the only one that 2012 is kicking in the face already.
He texted me saying that his mom found my nuva ring in their jacuzzi filter. I don't think I'm welcome back anytime soon.
I was mid hand job and stopped me because he wanted to "connect" which meant putting his thumb in between my eyebrows and a hand over my heart and closing our eyes...
Well puke fest 2014 just happened
You licked my eyeball, you are officially cut off. If you just missed you can have a second chance on Friday.
Im watching animal planet drunk, watching a documentary on mermaids. Tonight has not gone to waste.
i like him enough to wash my sheets.. but not enough to finally get that pink lemonade and vodka slushy stain out of my carpet
You ever have a fart follow you around?
Randomize
