So he saw that playlist i made with his name as the title. i think he's creeped out that I have 106 songs that remind me of him
All i've done since I got back to my room today is take a three hour nap. Like, I even planned to change my pants and haven't even done that yet.
just saw a couple drunkenly stumble over to the family planning aisle of Walgreens. inspiring.
full cup flip cup was not exactly the reason I wanted to tell the cops when I was sleeping on the curb
You called a girl at 4:30am to tell her "your pussy is my top priority" while simultaneously Urban Spooning late night cafes.
He looked at me like he knew me, and I looked at him like I had seen his penis before.
It's times where you wake up in the hospital after trying to road surf that you wonder what you're doing in life.
I am sleeping in the bathtub because my bed is too soft.
So yeah he had good weed?
So my parents just watched me pour their rum into a bottle and only add crystal light powder, no water... Talk about being judged. All I could say was "Cortland tricks?"
Saw a girl on a walk of shame bend down and look in a pizza box by a trash can to see if there was still a slice left. That's when you know
Tried to put an eye patch on while hooking up with a girl. She was not amused.
Out of ten? A seven. You pulled your shorts down to your ankles, jumped into the pool and announced you were a merman.
Last night at a party someone grabbed my ass so I just fucking punched them in the face then went home and ate a frozen pizza
Hey, do you know the person who woke me up last night at 1 in the morning yelling and being carried through the courtyard?
That was me Mom...
no its a draw, weve been through this, when were keeping score on getting laid i get a plus 1 handicap each week because of your British accent! its only fair!
Randomize
