I don't get why Lindsay Lohan doesn't just blame her bad behavior on her twin sister from the Parent Trap. I mean nobodys seen her since.
Just before going down on me she said, "I need a hairband for all of the jobs I'm about to perform."
The bartender was shocked when I took the mop bucket from him and told him I'd take care of my friends puke.
Like, what's the customary waiting period to hookup with your newly single ex that you never stopped hooking up with?
Almost threw up on my grandmother as she walked in the house. Had to run to the bathroom and vomit my brains out. Prolly getting taken out of the Will now.
I'm not gonna get my cat high anymore because what if he has a heart attack. I don't want to be responsible for that shit
We are 100% horrible people, and im extremely happy we are friends
There was a slutty maid costume on the floor when I woke up, but the house was trashed. Either she's been fired or got promoted, I'm not sure which.
I just want to return to LA when the weed and dick is plentiful.
His new girl is probably classy and boring. I bet she doesn't feed him sour patch kids while she wiggles his weiner.
She says the reason I don't talk to her is because I'm "emotionally lazy" what ever that means
Between the deep breathing and nipple piercings , I thought I was in the twilight zone
That's a gentle way of saying I passed out like an 18-year-old on his first trip to Tijuana
Why does 10AM Spanish always turn into a discussion about my sex life?
I don't know what she did to me last night, but the scratches on my back indicate that I had sex with a Bengal tiger last night.
Randomize
