On my way home i need to take a massive dump and couldn't wait.
as evidence of my kitchen this morning my night involved alot of mustard and condoms
is she serious with that outfit? Why doesnt she just paste a for sale sign on her boobs?
Ryan just walked out of his frat house with a case of beer, a 6 dollar bottle of vodka, and a pillow. He's good to go.
She kept saying 'I love you' but i couldn't tell if she was talking to me or to her beer.
I know now the amount of smoke it takes to set off the fire alarm....no longer worried about using the bong...not even close
Me and Phil are just drawing pictures of thumbs in different costumes during lecture. I love being a senior.
Sorry we couldn't "turn off the mirrors." How're you feeling today?
Even with having the shower running and music on everyone could hear the alcohol gods making me sacrifice my dignity and meals from the past week.
I fill condoms, not promises.
If we tried baptizing you I feel the water would start boiling around you.
Anyways, he came over at 3:30 am and ate me out while I ate pizza on the counter
This is not the first time I've recognized my body is subconsciously trying to make pizza.
I I was gonna wake him up with a blow job but I don't know how he would feel about it.
He sided with his father, so I slashed his tires. I’d say that’s a fair trade.
Randomize
