is it bad that listening to the rabbi's wife talk about how we should only be with one person is making me really, really horny for no string attached sex
if tampons were more like dildos the world would be a better place
I haven't seen any of my friends sober in months. We have classes together.
Whatever, the fact of the matter is that I saved you from poorly planned outdoor sex by doing a rain dance and you should totally thank me.
So my niece decided to play "lets make shapes out of your bruises" with me and told me that one of them looks like a shark bite. Bravo, sir. Bravo.
Threw up on the baby. National Tequila Day is the eve of National I'm A Horrible Nanny Day.
I have a sixth sense for dads free balling in gym shorts
Oh god. I just had a sex dream about the talking dog from the Bush's Baked Beans commercials.
Just bought a gingerbread house kit and pregnancy tests. Happy holidays.
whatever bro. i had ice cream and whiskey for breakfast and its noon. this is the second worst christmas ever.
The only good thing about the sex was that he finally cracked the spot on my back that's been hurting.
He poured champagne on my pussy while he ate me out. I found my unicorn.
it was like where's waldo, only the stakes were much higher.
Just had an emotional break through with the dog. That high.
Angels sing when his face is between my thighs. I came 3 times before he even came up for air.
Randomize
