my mom heard me say 'don't squirt that at me' while me & him were in my room. She then decided to call my aunt and complain to her that she has the sluttiest daughter in town. she refused to believe me when i told her i was talking about gel.
I'm with your mom on this one.
Its official, cigarettes are now more expensive than weed
I want you to know that wearing office supplies as jewelry results in waking up with the wrong roommate. Also, strip clubs and vodka don't mix.
I need some transition time from spring break.. can we day drink between classes this week?
The tent wall coming unstaked in the wind and hitting me in the face really sobered me up
the only time i'm productive on weed is when i drink.
i don't even know why we got arrested this time. i think the cops just like our company at this point
You just stood up, raised your glass and said, "I'd like to thank the academy" then fell through a glass table. THAT'S why we cut you off.
Hope you had your fill for the summer my friend, because all the cleavage has been put away for the winter. Fear not; it blooms again in May.
You said dick pics aren't attractive
Random ones, from strangers, no. But a beautiful penis I know and love, absolutely :3
it's unicorns you uncultured swine
You know more about his cock specs than his childhood. Proud of you
this is the fourth time i've taken my clothes off for money this year. is that normal for the average college sophomore?
Everyone has seen your nipples. It's like asking if they ever walked on grass. You need better hangover questions.
Are you sure you found YOUR underwear?
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