zippers are such a cool invention
Who has a video camera? i want to look back on this one day and say OH thats why i spent 2 years in jail
Found a cheerleading trophy in my shower this morning. Explain.
Apparently I promised a worker at La Siesta free English lessons to make up for vomming all over the little Mariachi band.
at least if we puke, we will be surrounded by beautiful, non-judgemental trees.
I'm also 3/4 on the frats. Its like my goal of traveling to all 7 continents, but different somehow and a lot less morally sound.
Code red. She won't talk to me. Maybe it has something to do with her raccoon eyes. Perry said there was a brief moment of towel fighting until you passed out. Did you draw the turtle on my ass?
Listen. I don't care if its "nontoxic" im not putting it in my fucking vagina.
I'm chatting with a girl missing a front tooth. I find it quite distracting. I'm sure you have deduced what bar I'm drinking in on this monday night.
I also love beards. The playoffs are like christmas for my vagina.
do you know how ratchet you have to be to get kicked out of a drag club on Halloween weekend??
I can't believe you didn't come out. There was a duckling ON THE BAR!
Went to 7-11 to buy condoms with the $20 I found on the ground outside Rite Aid. A good day for drug stores
Would it be sad if I made a blanket fort to get drunk in till the power came back?
Look, I know why you're asking me, but just because I'm gay does not make me a wiki on butt sex. Ask a doctor or you know, the internet like everyone else.
Randomize
