Watching NYC prep. Doing a shot everytime one of these d-bags flips his hair. I give it 10 minutes before alcohol poisoning set in.
just got drunk at a party with Christmas themed solo cups.. holidays are officially here.
how the hell did we fit 12 drunk lesbians in your car?! I felt like we were playing lesbian tetris last night.
i found a beer bottle on top of the urinal, peed in it and put it back... if anyone gets drunk enough to fall for it they deserve it
You told me I was special while we were having sex and I asked why.
What did I say?
Don't ask me questions while I have an erection,
i woke up this morning next to my toilet covered in an attempt to make blanket of toilet paper
I feel like college is just an experience in what names I can't name my future son.
You know it was a good weekend when; you leave a bi-lingual letter of apology on top of a stack of cash for hotel housekeeping.
Well. I guess talking about me stealing your wife may not be in the list of legit conversations
What am I supposed to say? "Hi new uncle in law once I tried cocaine in Mexico and every once in a while i motorboat strangers. so happy to be a part of your family"
I woke up with $140 in twenties in my bra and have never been more puzzled.
We got a lap dance! I touched a boob!
Yeah last night got weird fast. No lie, a kid pulled a butt-plug with a tail out of his ass.
Well, the night started out with you ALMOST falling out of a tree. Then we went back to the tree after about 9 shots and you DID fall out of the tree.
dude wtf why are there forks in my wall
does "I AM MAGNETOOOO" ring any bells, because that was you for an entire hour last night
Randomize
