i'm so hungover...i might vomit in a handbag instead of selling them
Don't you think facebook is a bit pretentious, suggesting friends and all? No facebook, I would NOT like to be friends with a girl whose fiancee I have slept with.
they started a semi-successful rumor that toby keith died. who says fraternities don't have goals
the only muscles i have these days is kegels
trying to imitate man vs food after 12 shots doesnt mean youll get laid
I'm not holding out much hope. She met me in a nighclub when I was arguing with the cigarette machine
Also adulthood=replacing meals with bourbon. And not getting your hair caught in a fan.
I'd rather take 10 virginities than catch something. Right now I should be good, I mean the sex with Jake was so bad he can't possibly have an std
The cop left me alone after I gave her my spare snow cone. It was a hot and humid day and that uniform looked stuffy. Yay stoner me for overindulging in icy treats.
I just gave an orange Froot Loop the finger for falling on the floor instead of my mouth when I was pouring a mini box of cereal into my face.
We need to make tonight low-budget
Is this your way of suggesting flasks?
I am not a slut. I'm just very open with how much I love to have sex. Stop judging.
Your cock has been in the back of my throat. Co-worker is no longer a sufficient title. Fix that shit ASAP
Please god tell me you aren't pregaming your date alone.
If you need me I'll be in the hospital involving super glue and fake eyelashes.
Randomize
