You have to understand, this is the first time I'm looking at a whopper sober.
i've already watched her fall off the steps, walk up on our porch and try to dance with the dog, and stumble across the street to stand outside the neighbors window...is it taking it too far to watch this rando girl and some guy have sex behind our parking lot now?
she asked me if i can do her a favor, came over, and gave me head then left. i still dont understand how that was a favor for her.
We should celebrate the resignation of Berlusconi tonight with too many bottles of wine and sambuca. We're allies, right?
Wake up we need to beat the walk of shame rush hour
You should probably stop your little brother from ruining thanksgiving. I just caught him trying to stuff a cake in a drawer... And now he's puking.
It's that moment where you find out the girl you've been dating for 6 months is a mob daughter. Post breakup.
I think I'm going to go into my next therapy session with hot client with my fly down and when he tells me about it I'm going to say "how did that happen?!" and then porn music will start to play.
Totally uneven. One tiny pussy lip that almost didn't exist and one giant lip that unfurled liked 5 different times half way down her leg and could have been used to hoist the mainsail on a pirate ship.
I bought something for you today. You'll love it.
What is it? Drugs?
It's 2:10 am I am sprawled on the floor of the kitchen drunk and eating cold chicken wings come help
My purse is like an anchor I can't move I am sliding around like an over turned turtle send help
This floor is really dirty send a maid if you can
I literally JUST MADE IT to the liquor store. I bought a box of wine with the lights off
No, you are in the clear. The police officer finally just said "I give up" and walked away.
My life. Always pantsless and occasionally topless.
I have to close one eye, because I don't wanna see two movies, I only want to see one.
Randomize
