It looked like if robin williams had a vagina
I'm starving. my midnight snack, aka a teaspoon of cum, isn't holding me over
Its like fucking yourself in the head with a weed strapon
noooo, I woke up on his pack porch and the SUN WAS RISING. I saw red lights everywhere and heard sirens so I just ran for my life.
Just took 4 secret shots in his bathroom to not remember him naked.
it felt like i was a kid in an empty playground. i fucked him on every piece of furniture in the house and then when his housemates showed up i was naked in his bed like i'd been there all along.
Don't talk about his dick. That's mine. There's a copyright on it. Use with permission
Every time you started making out for him we all cheered for you... that's what sorority sisters do - they cheer you on when you make bad life decisions at the bar.
My costume for the end of the world party was a success. Everyone in the ER thought I was there because I got hit by a car when it was actually from alcohol poisoning.
You called me to pick you up from the bar at 9:00. When we drove over the speed bumps you put your hands in the air and pretended you were on a roller coaster.
This guy is selling weed on the train. Like... Straight up. No fucks given.
This may sound strange but do you have my pants?
You tried to trade them for some girls skirt... So she has them...
I'm dancing with a sandwich I just made cause I'm so happy how delicious it tastes, that high haha
Either im seeing the northern lightgs, someone is having a rave, or im on acid.. Im most likely on acid
I think my stomach is breaking up with me. It's giving me back everything I ever gave it.
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