dude just tell them you don't wear clothes. they'll understand
i just won a 100 dollar gift card to walmart in a karaoke contest...i love kentucky
We were tigers and tigers don't wear pants
Performed a legit marriage between 2 drunk people at last call yesterday. Becoming ordained has already paid for itself.
Oh I forgot to tell you one of the little boys in my preschool class was wearing a Hooters tank top today.
I might be a bit. I accidently started hot boxing the bathroom. I'm just gonna go with it.
You stole my crutches last night at the bar, the DJ had to ask for them to be returned
Suspicion confirmed. my mom has her nipples pierced
Way to crack the case Nancy Drew
You pretty much lost your mind. Your ego has gotten ten time the size of your balls.
Are there edibles for sale in the Denver airport because if so bring those to my mouth
How do you politely tell a guy that you only kissed him so he would shut the fuck up?
Starting this Monday as I always do
With a desperate plea for help
Also at one point I told him to say my name and it took him like 5 seconds to remember.
He's honking my boob in his sleep
It's innocent and endearing in some way
I just walked in on Joel doing a buck naked tripod headstand in front of the mirror so he could see the bug bite on his balls
Randomize
