i just woke up i smell like fire, i have bruises on both knees and one elbow, i have a lighter and nip of smirnoff blueberry in my bed, rug burn on one hip and about 12 pics of you and me on my camera-this needs to stop happening
yea ive got to shower which is going to be painful given the skin burns from the blowup obstacle course races last night
This girl wants me to lick her pits
pits??
Yeah pits, I think I still go for it though
she insisted i was the anonymous guy on formspring that kept asking to bang her
Clearly I went along with it
She posts like 3 statuses a day pleading for pity. Responding positively would be like giving a dog a treat for shitting on the floor.
How do you say "I'm sorry I beat you up while cumming" in German?
I should've been more social I guess. I feel bad not meeting the people who willingly sucked alcohol out of my navel...
Was it you who made out with a toothless guy last night?
Really uncomfortable with the level of eskimo brotherhood at this family reunion
Yeah I was thinking something along the lines of "I almost died, lets celebrate with sex. Come over"
What's the procedure for answering a booty call from someone under house arrest?
So I got drunk last night and attempted to shave a landing strip on my vag. I now have a 8 lane highway on my crotch now. Just looks like a random ass square.
I'm about to smoke a joint alone, do you want to FaceTime and pretend you're smoking it too?
I'm about to turn myself in when I'm less hungover.
I threw up in the middle of a bar last night and still managed to get laid! Happy thanksgiving!
I don't remember anything from last night, but at track I found my thong next to the high jump pit... So it must has been decent
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