Drawing on your hand and calling it yenifer lopez doesn't count!
Dude, I woke up at my ex's house. I am spooning her half naked roommate. There is a pizza on my shoulder. I need you to come pick me up.
i know we're in college but you cant booty call me at 3 in the afternoon. i dont care how drunk you are.
can you imagine how much money lesbians save on birth control?!?
bitches.
You'll be proud of me
Who did you not have sex with
Damn it...you know me too well
You nicknamed her "lazy eye" and were screaming across the bar at her to buy you a drink...
malibu coconut giveth, and malibu coconut taketh away
Never visiting again. You guys drink like immortals
He's such a champ. He puked on purpose just so he'd be coherent enough to roll this blunt
I'm holding onto the sink for dear life. Pretty sure if Iet go I'll turn into a shit propelled man rocket.
Did copperhead road at the bar. All the girl next to me did was stare at my glorious bouncing tits. CAN I FUCKING HELP YOU?? I worked hard for these tits.
My doctor was like "I think adderall is a great choice. It'll definitely benefit you and you say you've taken it before so you'll be fine!" \nAnd I was like "yeah bro, totally"
If anything I look like a soccor mom going out for her annual ladies night. Trying hard, but not quite in her twenty's anymore.
Man, I'm never going tanning again he noticed the burns on my ass
For the love of all that is holy just take the tranquilizers Erica
Randomize
