I think I kinda wanna bone that ginger from Harry Potter.
You literally just made my flesh crawl.
Its not like he dircectly choose a cheeseburger over sex, it was more like I said seductively "I really appreciate this and I'm going to make it up to you anyway I can" and he replied "i want a bacon cheeseburger"
i guess he just knew i was going to sleep with him either way
Banging your ex-girlfriends best friend 3 days after you break up is like saying "fuck you" with feeling. I wouldnt have it any other way.
Come scavenge bits of tuna out of my chest hair
So i guess i slapped the girl sitting next to me leg and said "You know what they say, got fat legs...you gotta fat BOX"
Ummm so I just found the baby pumpkin that was on my porch last night in Village Pizza this morning on their counter. The cashier said some drunk girl came in and told him it was a present.
Every once in a while you'd chuckle to yourself, and when I asked you what's so funny u replied "sometimes my toes tickle eachother"
I was pissing in the urinal at the concert and some drunk chick ran in and yelled 'but the lines to fucking long' then ran out with 10 state troopers chasing her... Yeah
So heartbroken my rebound has a rebound
I'm highly inebriated watching star wars, this text was sent via the force
CUM CAME OUT OF MY NOSE. MY SINUSES ARE ENTIRELY FUCKED UP NOW BC OF THE CUM TRAVELING IN PLACES IT SHOULD NOT HAVE.
There is resin on and IN the refrigerator. Its even on the food. My god, what happens to you?
I was so drunk last night dude. I woke up this morning to my oven being wide open and my pants on the kitchen floor.
Last night was just a whirlwind of Mario Brothers and sex.
The police officer that arrested me Friday night just bought me a shot
Randomize
