His penis was definitely too big to be the type that wants commitment. Shit.
He fell asleep and they duct taped him to the floor. He's pissed.
This might sound awkward, but can I borrow a dildo for class?
you made sure you came back for your bottle of vodka but didn't remember to take your shoes
I woke up in a lawn chair by the lake to some man revving his boat motor at me.
I just got invited to party with a bunch of elderly lesbians I am in no position to offer life advice
last night on the strip the guy screamed at you YOU GOTTA WORK ON YOUR CALVES.
we didnt plan anything. just randomly met up in the park, both reached into our pockets and each lit up a joint without exchanging words. we're telepathic potheads.
I mean, the night I fell out of that bus I made you pour vodka onto my wound to clean it, then duct taped a paper towel to my hand and kept drinking.
i got to his house for our first date at the same time as his dealer, so what I'm saying is I'm in love
We trekked into the state forest, laid the comforter down and he proceeded to tell me that we could stay here and stargaze, turned me around and fucked me like the lion king.
THERE IS A DOG IN THE CLUB. I repeat a dog in the club. I might have laid down and petted it..I have no shame.
Woke up in my boxers on a subway with a phone number written on my arm in lipstick..Best Night EVER.
Gave a guy a blowjob in a convent. Place in hell is now secured...
Is there a subtle way to tell him he needs to hydrate? 8 years of yoga and kegels. He has no idea what I’m going to do to him this weekend
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