yo dude i was totally schwabbin last night.
what does that even mean?
you ever see those charles schwabb commercials, where the people are like half cartoon half real.... well yeah i saw that in real life.
im typing and i feel like my hands are on backwards.
Stop texting me, I'm right here.
So i just got diagnosed with swine flu. im at walgreens looking like shit and this guy keeps staring at me. Im so gonna cough in his face.
well, dont
I didnt. i just coughed then looked at him menacingly. he got it.
she asked me what the final straw was. i had to tell her i caught him jerking off to digimon porn. i don't know what i'm more upset by, that he was masturbating to cartoons, or that he was masturbating to sub-par cartoons
found your viking helmet in the parking lot this morning, its missing a horn. There was still liquor in the remaining horn. shots from a viking helmet should be mandatory.
I bought this skirt with every intention to have it wrapped around my tits by the end of the night. So, I'm not a whore. I'm a self-fulfilling prophecy.
Btw, I'm creating an event on fb to celebrate the one yr anniversary since we went to jail.
could hear acupuncture therapist getting blown in the next room over the whale music
Ugh contemplating vodka and chocolate protein powder as this Capri sun and vodka isn't really cutting it
The teenager outdrank all of us. All. Of. Us. I woke up and she was getting everyone water and fruit snacks. I give up.
Were you citizens arresting people again last night?
I just said "you do you" to my penis.
fyi: first time in five days i havent washed my birth control down with liquor. when are we going out tonight?
G&T. Gin and tonic. GIN AND TONIC. GIN AND TONIC AND FUCKING LIME
Just saw you run by my class yelling "fuck you!". Good luck and stay human!
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