Just fell off a train. Bad.
Oh shit, I think we need to get you a hobby that doesn't include penises
Where are you???
With some dude on the way to his house to blaze
You went back to a stranger's house????
He isn't a stranger...he used to be on kids, inc.
I love LA.
i love accidental penises.
I am the poster child for what not to do during sex. Soon they will be calling an undesired position after me
Way too hungover to be taking this many family pictures
I threw up in the shower, slipped, and fell in it. Should I try and continue my day or just get back in bed?
I was taking a bath while he walked in, sat down on the toilet, and said "its like a baby, I can see it crowning."
I let my cat eat the pepperonis off of my pizza while I was still eating it. That's the level of tequila drunk I got last night.
God I adore you.
when I said energy drinks I meant cocaine
Imma do me. And by that, I mean I'm going to walk across campus still drunk at 9am on a Tuesday.
As pissed as she was, you would've thought I was trying to get back into his pants instead of his booze collection.
He staggered in with his pants around his ankles and yelled that he lost his pants
She woke up next me in bed and told me to stop driving so fast.
I just shaved my legs via the sink as to not wake my parents up because I know I'll be having marathon sex tomorrow after my certification exam... so this is life after college.
Randomize
