I want to buy you liquor! I want to kiss your face.
she's leaving w me bro, I've been buying her mad shots. She's seen my apt. So locked down.
it's fine if we fail the bar, we were never going to satisfy the moral character requirement anyway
Just threw up on my desk at work. They are making me go home.
Moral of the story: don't get pregs or your chances in the beer league are over
I don't want to talk about her cat for two hours only to dry hump till I'm blistered. Not worth it.
We didn't talk. I watched you drop an egg on the floor. And watched you praise your haunted broom.
omg just made cake vodka jello shots, sooooo excited
dear god these taste like death. death and sprinkles
The best part about drinking boxed wine is you can blow up the bag and use it as a pillow
That guy is like a clown car of sexy. Just when I think I've seen it all, THERE'S MORE.
AND SOME IN THE TRUNK.
You have not lived until you and a ginger miget chick are jumping and waving your arms in a pitch black bathroom to turn on the motion lights. Yes, today I have officially lived.
I'm actually pinning crap for Friendsgiving like a boss right now. These bitches better show up.
If I stopped mid-sex because the guy was hung like a light switch, it doesn't count, does it? Like the five second rule.
you were grinding on the cop whispering for him to lend you his tazer.
Grandpa just whipped it out and started pissing on the way to the game stuck in traffic. I saw EVERYTHING. :(
Randomize
