oh good, I think they're gone
the painters?
my herpes
let's bang
You're in my phone as 'Weird Bus Guy' so I think my answer's no.
I'm starving. my midnight snack, aka a teaspoon of cum, isn't holding me over
Dude with the Beatles haircut just got his pilots license and wants to take us up to do a case race mid flight. Don't tell me networking is unnecessary.
Wheres my "thanks for using birth control effectively and not contributing to the downfall of society" card.
I was just handed jelly beans by a guy in a penguin costume. Standby for confirmation on if they are actually drugs.
You ass. You're not the one who bought me flowers, so obviously you will not be the recipient of the blow job of gratitude.
I'm never waking up next to someone after sex again. It's alllll downhill from there.
I swear to God, if you drunkenly correct my grammar one more time, I'm cutting you off.
Planning a foam party. Swimsuits are mandatory, and please no granny suits. If you wear a granny suit I will stick you in the corner and put a cone hat on your head.
We got hammered last night and I woke up this morning with texts from 'iron maiden chick.' wtf?
I'm supposed to be at work in 10 min, I just woke up and am 45 min away...tinder for the win
You're a wizard. You are a master of disguise. You are beautiful. I love you.
You took your shirt off at the bar, handed it to a girl, and made her wash your dirty shirt on your washboard abs
tuesdays get the best of me...
Right. Cuz nothing screams "You made it!" quite like selling your used underwear to strangers you met on the internet.
Randomize
