you pissed in a zip-loc bag and wanted 60 dollars for it
let's put it this way: i'm gonna stop drinking and get a gym membership. she's that hot
John stretched a condom over his face and tried to puke in it.
Was that your vagina? Received a text pic from a number I didn't recognize. Shaved, so no hair color cues. But it looked like your lips.
I'm sorry for the texts and anything that I said that may have caused confusion, pain or irritation. I shall not be drinking again. Furthermore I will not be keeping a phone on me should I fail to adhere to the prior statement.
I feel like she is getting all kinds of bacterial exposure that may otherwise have been avoided had she been wearing pants
Oh my god and he smells like heaven wrapped in a beard of knowledge
Dudes don't just lick butts of chicks they're not into.
I want you more than I want a burrito.
I'm not as filling.
Last night at a party someone grabbed my ass so I just fucking punched them in the face then went home and ate a frozen pizza
I don't think he liked your vagina hand signal
He sent me off with a naked dance ending in a meat swing. I don't think I'll be seeing him again.
Ok fell asleep on a bus in south Carolina just woke up in Canada where the hell is the liquor store from here?!
I just found a condom in my jolly ranchers bag. This is a good omen.
Our sex sesh was interrupted by a bunch of hobos fighting outside his apartment.
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