I called him Han Solo during sex, he looked at me like he was mortified then I realized he came.
i've never seen someone fall down the steps so gracefully... i think im in love
so whats your words to drink to for the state of the union? mine are 'change' 'fight' and 'you know'.
mine is 'the'.
theres so much semen in my vacuum cleaner...
It's confirmed I did eat a ping pong ball last night...
The djing cat is back again. I think he just makes appearances when im shit drunk just to fuck with my mind.
I'm now at that point where it just feels natural to do a few shots of whisky with breakfast and then head to work
St Patricks Day is not the day you decide to have a sober epiphany.
Jello bowls to the fucking face, that or ramen spiked with liq. Those are the only options in this house.
So the bartender tried kicking me out but i screamed im an RA you cant kick me out
99% of the contents of my handbag are ketchup packets and condoms. I feel that says a lot about me as a person.
I JUST SENT A TOILET SELFIE TO THE WRONG PERSON.
I almost just opened my door to get my pizza butt ass naked
Why is there an inflatable flamingo in the backseat of my car?
How naked do you want me to be?
Randomize
