peeing is so easy when youre drunk. you just tell your body to pee and it pees.
Fuck their fairy tale bullshit. I shall ruin it. With a few thrusts of my cock.
you're single. I'm single. let's spend vday with the 3 most important men in our lives: ben, jerry, and josé
i'm not a hellocoptur, but youer in a dorm ans im un a dorm
When they arrested me, they gave me a bracelet with my mugshot and info. When you get one they can be our BFF Bracelets.
I can't tell you what you just drank, that would ruin the point of Mystery Monday.
Your cousin just asked the bartender to start a round of vagina shots. Not body shots. Vagina shots. We're taking her out more often.
I got woken up by a construction worker, turns out I was laying in a hallway, naked and wrapped in a matress pad. To answer your question no, I did not study for this test I got David Hasselhoff drunk
You would be too ashamed to ever love me again if you saw the filth I just created. It brings unspeakable dishonor to the nacho dynasty. Like I raped the king's daughter, cut off her hands and made him eat them that's how hard I fucked up nachos.
Jesus christ it's been two texts and we are already talking about dildos
It was fine until they started lighting shots of everclear on fire and making ME take them. That's when shit went down...
i don't think i have enough personality to make it through this date sober.
Well I'm glad your Saturday night went a lot better than mine. I spent mine crying in a McDonald's parking lot.
He just seemed to happy to be having sex with me that it ruined the mood for me. I just wanted to punch him.
I think I'm taking after my dog, I just want to hump everything
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