my mom just found my bong and asked what it was. I told her it was a hookah
and she bought it?!?
yeah...but her friends at work told her hookah was fun and now she wants to smoke it with me...im thinkin yes
If you are in NYC and not seeing anyone, you should come fucke me now because:1 i am not in love with you anymore, 2 i am drunk enough where i won't feel the n eed to kisx you awardly to avoid your beard, 3we have unfinished business that i wpn't get -assed unyil orgass have been had, 4 i really really want to
Im drinking a beer thats called vuuve which is boobs in begian. I think my life is complete.
You know you had a bad blackout when you forget you held the stanley cup.
I may be in pain from falling off the roof but getting to the morning roof keg was well worth it.
How dare you. Idk what you called me, and neither does google translate, but you better take it back.
I actually took a sword out of your hands. You were samurai slashing lemons to make chasers.
I've never seen a guy eye-fuck someone so hard in my entire life. I thought he would develop laser vision, bore holes into your body, and not even realize your innards would be spilling everywhere. That's how bad it was.
I'm a bit broke right now... Would it be OK if I pay you in champagne and Xanax?
we just talked about our morning and what we were doing for the day and he handed me the addies and i took $50 out of my bra in front of a bunch of frat guys. so the mornings going really well
WHAT IF I SAT OUTSIDE AND STARTED SCREAMING THE LYRICS TO O CANADA WOULD THAT FIX IT
PLEASE DON'T
Check snapchat. Selfie game still on point mid vomit.
I'm pretty sure I just came a kidney stone..
I woke up with an empty beer bottle in my slipper and a note that said "it just wants to be warm"
i don't like interrupting booty calls. thats just rude.
Randomize
