I think it's just because she's got "I'll sleep with anyone with a decent car" written all over her face.
I'm confused about why you felt the need to ask me to buy you life alert for christmas at 3:28 this morning.
Nope. Can't afford girlfriends. Still looking for the 25 year old bisexual tripled who owns a brewery or a casino.. the search continues....
I shouldn't have to thank you for taking off your captain hat off before we had sex
What do you mean how did you end up there? You told him he had a face you'd like to ride, that's a deal sealer in any language.
i'm taking a spore imprint of the mushroom we found growing in our bathroom and sending a picture to ryan. he will then be able to tell if it's trip-worthy
CHEMICAL ENGINEER. God my mom would be so proud of me.
It is way too early in the summer for me to be coming into work still drunk.
iphones do not disturb setting is the biggest cock block to my 3am booty calls
Haha I haven't even had my interview yet and I'm already trying to fuck my way to the top. 'Merica.
You gave your one night stand my number. I told him you left for your sex change an hour ago.
Just asphyxiate me and toss my corpse in the Ocean. It'll be easier than whatever the next four or eight years will bring.
it doesn't matter what you do now, you will forever be known as the girl who fell off the roof
nooooo! we need to brain storm. I need rebranding....what if I start always showing up with my cat or a wacky hat?
try again roofio
listen. i haven't sucked a dick in well over three years but i believe in myself.
well true... there's not a real discreet way to masturbate in public
Randomize
