You would get kicked out of the study lounge for being drunk the monday of finals week
i perioded on his leg
on. his. leg.
All I know is I had a penis in one hand a bottle of wine in the other
Okay I woke up in my room, snuggie on, had a water bottle in my hand my tv was on Disney channel and my cigarettes are gone. And I deleted every text in my phone but one that said 'you are absolutely welcome'
tried doing a cartwheel after 10 beers. Guess who has a dislocated shoulder.
My mom just looked at me while watching the fireworks and asked if it reminded me of how I felt after sex. I'm so uncomfortable.
btw I told him that the only way he was gonna get to eat you out was if he smothered your vag with grits..
I'm drunk filing my taxes in a bar on a Monday afternoon in a Regular Show onesie. I think I'm starting to get the hang of this whole adult thing.
Let's be real. I'm the Usain Bolt of running away after hookups. Fastest (wo)man alive.
If you're going to be single forever, you should try the quesalupas at Taco Bell.
I enjoy the company of your penis
I'm reading 50 shades of grey and masturbating while he's doing insulation downstairs. Maybe I can get him to bring me a sandwich
She started waving a nerf rifle around and demanding free booze.
Woke up with a girls naked next to me I had her thong on somehow.
Just landed in Atlanta. Still drunk. I can't feel my face
Randomize
