dont quote avril lavinge. im to drunk.
And my dad told him he was a great looking guy. and then added "no homo" after.
Nah, lets use your guy, my drug dealer is going all pineapple express on me
What did you even date her?
because emotionally unstable girls are great in bed.
This girl in my class is wearing a sweatshirt that says "LEAD ME NOT INTO TEMPTATION" ahaha I almost just laughed out loud. We could never be friends
It was weird. Like "Mom, Dad, here's a guy who knows my orgasm face".
well shes beginning to earn a reputation as "the girl who tries to bone her hook ups in the ass with a pickle"
True love: he brought me a margarita while was in the shower. He's a keeper.
Do you understand how hard it is to go down on a guy underwater? Didn't think so....
I say I'm working from home on conference call days, but really I just mute the phone, put that shit on speaker so I can hear what's going on, and let Marcus fuck my brains out.
You said "I feel like a koala bear. Do you ever just feel like a koala bear?" This is your brain on drugs.
if i drink i'll go into liver failure but ok
totally worth it, dude its $1 pbr
Banged a girl last night wearing nothing but my Team USA Olympic jersey. I think it's safe to say that nut was for America.
Question: how does one descretely ask the ice cream truck driver thats out at 10:00pm if he sells weed?
You got drunk, made toast, and declared yourself a domestic goddess.
Randomize
