Why the fuck do they always fuck on couches in porn?
Don't ever text me while you're jacking off. EVER.
She grabbed both of our dicks in the pool then said repeatedly, "this is my dream, this is my dream,"
I think I love you, but I may be biased because we had pirate sex.
shes the kind of girl that would cock block endangered pandas
Too bad they don't have an emoji symbol for condoms and 99 cent tacos
Just watched a deer get gangbanged in my front yard by 5 bucks. Wtf animal kingdom
Don't make it weird, I don't think about you when I'm climaxing, it's just that I see you rooting me on.
I brought a guy home then decided no. Took him back to the bar and said "I'm going to drop you where I found you. Have fun"
I apparantly wanted to name her baby garbage
I can't believe you guys got into a sword fight over a chicken nugget
Oh, so that's where all the scratches came from...
As I was about to fuck him, he requested a moment of silence for Leonard Nimoy.
You're the only person I know who would go to New Jersey to give a blowjob and I have so much respect for you for it
Thanks again for the coffee and orgasms
Im so sorry for peeing on your chest.
It was sweet, he carried me out of my bathroom after I passed out, built me a pillow fort so I wouldn't roll out of bed, set a glass of water on the table, and brought me a mixing bowl to puke in. Totally a sign we're more than just fuckbuddies.
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