His internet searches, listed chronologically: sex slave, volunteer sex slave, lava
Maybe we should try and tone it down a notch. The neighbors changed the name of their wifi network to "i can hear you having sex".
You sucked the drug dealers dick for a 20 of coke...?
Nooo, I payed for that. I sucked his dick because I had an urge.
frankly if you're gonna get kicked out of your place, hooking up with your gay roommate's boyfriend would be the most entertaining way to do it.
She had one drink in her cleavage and another in her hand. She kept rotating between the two by leaning backward and then sipping the one in her hand.
not much just sitting outside his bathroom door naked eating cheetoes. You?
Your christmas gifts are already wrapped, how on top of my shit am I?
I'm hungover as fuck and had to break into my own house by throwing a cinder block through my back door at 4am. You're more on top of your shit than me.
her spring break bucket list included "break into The Swamp, blow him where Tebow has Tebowed"
Well i think matt shit his pants so ill mark that as a W
SURVIVAL MODE. WE CAN DO THIS. Celebratory survived-working-christmas-retail sex to follow
You need Xanax blowdarts
I think my ball sweat smells like waffle house. might be time to change up drunken eating habits
I heard you ran into my sister lastnight. Do you remember making out with her and slapping my uncle?
Annoying and petty is the name of the game and I'm the MVP.
I like to listen to classical music when I eat taco bell. I think it cancels out the aura of poverty and desperation.
Randomize
