i just compared eating a chick out to "gargling a cheeto"
false alarm. still invincible.
So, Southern Comfort will donate 25 cents for every bottle sold towards Gulf Coast Relief... Can we save the wetlands through my alcoholism?
My mom said that if she can come this weekend, she'll buy the weed.
but i'm paying and its not a date cause he's got a gf and i'm hooking up with his roommate tomorrow night
Called the cops on a high school party then went in after all the kids ran away and took the rest of the beer. What are you doing tonight?
Bonus points if someone shits their pants. Only 1/2 bonus points if it's you
Bonus points are bonus points regardless
Only you could walk of shame to a childrens pirate themed birthday party
I send out my deepest condolences for seeing my ass last night.
You asked me if I was judging you for being drunk, and if I can hypnotize you make sober.
Who's the naked guy asleep in your car?
look when god gives you a dick that good for his son's birthday you don't question it
Grrr. Fine. You get oral for being unwrong.
I just want orgasms and emotional validation. Is that too much to ask?
You should of known that i was high if i refer to myself as melting into anything
Randomize
