batman just walked across the sidewalk
lay off the drugs
no for real he was wearing a cape
He asked me how my body knew that a month was up when it was time for my period.
I wish "capable of destroying an innocent girl's life" is something I could put on my resume
so far i wrote 500 words for a paper on sean paul performing we be burnin..i can officially do anything on adderral
Did you know the Dallas Cowboy cheerleaders have an exercise show ON Demand? Yeah, I had a lonely night
you cried when she wouldn't let you have her bathroom rug.
HE HAS A CHODE. LIFE IS NOT GOING TO BE EASY FOR HIM.
Also txt me when you take your first dump of the year... I'd like to synchronize if that's at all possible.
Caught in the act of lying. Lipstick literally all over his dick. He tried to make some story about darkwing duck or some shit but failed to realize he is a complete moron.
I may have just unintentionally roofied a man in a wheelchair
I spent half an hours grinding with a drunk Harry Potter cosplayer at the con rave. Pretty sure I felt his wand.
He held the kayak still so I wouldn't tip over while projectile vomiting. If that ain't true love, I don't know what is...
Got head at the top of a water slide over-looking the valley while wearing a sombrero and drinking a corona. Epic.
Its 8 in the morning and I wouldn't pass a breathalyzer test, How's your day been?
Doing shots with my high school valedictorian. Bucket list
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