no it's cool...i'm just drinking and studying...cool night
you know whats weird about having a girlfriend....I look forward to masturbating now....sort of like quality me time.
Should I text him? Life is confusing when you actually like someone instead of just wanting to blow them.
apparently the 911 operator took drunk dialing waaayy too seriously
she must of just birthed a child cause her labia touched the floor
Your never gonna wash that desperation outta that sweatshirt you know.
I've got 2 dollars. How do I turn this into alcohol?
I'm gonna take my bong and hot box the pirate ship in the daycare playground.
Sign she's a keeper: "I would rather be late to brunch than waste a perfectly good boner."
We could make it cute. Like "oh those two cute lesbians who are about five foot two who sell the cocaine down the street. You know the ones? With the Yorkies?"
I like the wholesome side of you
I'm so goddamned horny I could use all my pent up energy to tear a redwood out by its roots.
No it was fine, I've just never seen that many people eat dog food
my mom said i came home and fell asleep on the floor. like right in front of her.
Pretty sure we're going to get a cease & desist notice from the Make A Wish Foundation, but until then...
Also, I had mind-blowing sex on a pool table
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