but she was nice to me.
She was a fuckin STRIPPER.
Bought a water-proof vibrator. Rubber ducky is no longer the one that makes bathtime so much fun.
I really need to stop carrying a flask around with me in my backpack at school..
Aren't you in 8th grade?
9th, but that's not the point.
How do I invite him to our 4th of July cookout without sounding too much like "hey you were my first orgasm and I want your dick inside my while watching fireworks"
I just want you to know that i just realized your the only friend i dont feel fat around.
There are beer cans & oyster shells along the side of the road. I belong here
how thoroughly do i need to sanitize the cone the vet put around my dog's neck for it to be safe to use as a beer bong?
His wife found out about our affair the same day he got fired for it.
I wish you could see how much hot sauce and broken glass are in our apartment right now.
Did you get an erection too during Paul Ryan's speech?
The only thing I like when I am high is sex. And Cheez Its. But mostly sex.
Also that boy who jizzed in me wearing Cowboy boots and a plaid shirt snapped me at 4 am and said "I owe you a dinner. Sorry"
I just got CPR certified, don't make me need these skills so soon
I was grinding on my boss last night. So Monday will be fun. That's what's going on in my life right now.
I can tell just by looking at the wedding photos that the groom has hooked up with at least three of his groomsmen. I would feel bad for her except that she’s hooked up with two of the same ones.
Randomize